Striving and breaking through: a word of encouragement for seekers

There’s no time like the present. You know why they call it the present – it comes as a gift and you have to be present to receive it.

Those are almost clichéd statements, but as is so often the case with clichés, they are also very true. We nod our heads like we know what’s being expressed and then go right on living as if we hadn’t a clue. Well, we’re not to blame. It’s the pervasive, oppressive net of crushing mental and emotional tyranny that covers our world most anywhere that’s within reach of our so-called civilization. If you don’t have a critical mass of inner certitude vis-à-vis the truth to counter its effect, you will succumb to its soul-sucking influence.

I’m going to use myself as an example today, not because I am special but because I am not. I am essentially just like you. Of course, I have my own unique set of gifts and talents – but then, so do you and so does everyone else. The only difference – if difference there be – is a matter of degree in the intensity and direction of their use. And even that’s a little bit beside the point.

I wrote a comment recently – maybe a couple of months ago – at one of Les Visible’s blogs where I said I felt like a caterpillar soon to turn pupa. This was mentioned partly in relation to the activities of reading and writing – consuming and producing content – but also meant in a general way regarding the journey of spiritual evolution. I was ravenously devouring material at the time: Matt Kahn’s work was a big one, key to the whole shift I’m going to tell you about, but I was really eating up everything that came my way and drew my interest. I was really intensive in my search; I felt the compelling need to find the missing pieces and fit them into my worldview and thinking habits, desperate for a cure for the malaise I’d been suffering more and less throughout my post-early childhood life.

With Matt Kahn’s work, I hit pay dirt. The energy I felt being conveyed in his videos was the most peaceful, sublime, nurturing, forgiving, unconditionally loving and affirming, accepting, liberating, and empowering feeling I had encountered in as far back as I could remember. No artificial syrupy sweetness, no demands or pressure, just refreshing, grounded honesty and a sense of being gently coaxed and welcomed home after a long and wearying journey. I drank in that energy like a man dying of thirst in the desert.

Finally, here was someone telling me stuff that really made a difference, that I could really put to use, both instantly and over time. The transformation inside was palpable. I began to seriously apply the teachings he offered, to meditate daily upon them while walking and doing ordinary things, and to reflect upon the things I encountered in my everyday life through the mirror of that wisdom.

It made a difference. I began to have regular peak experiences beyond anything previously available to me, realizations and even activations. I was smoking cannabis rather regularly at the time, too, and I believe that gave me a huge extra boost as well. I did not feel I was dependent on it psychologically; rather, I used it as a tool, ally and sacrament for conscious self-work and exploration. I left no room for guilt or uncertainty about using it, but set my intention to the highest good of my growth and healing, accepting whatever came with open receptivity, and maintaining clarity and groundedness as best I could in the moment without trying to control the flow of the experience from a place of fear. Control was intuitively guided and natural, simply by remaining alert and watchful of my impressions, applying whatever wisdom felt called for.

I have always had a close therapeutic relationship with this plant, ever since the first time I tried it. Yes, there have been times I naïvely, recklessly, and less-than-respectfully abused it, but those times are long over. “The path of excess leads to the tower of wisdom.” I learned, from the ass-kickings those lapses in good sense cost me, how not to use this sacred plant. So I was well equipped to benefit from its synergetic consciousness-boosting effects at this stage of my personal path. One of my friends and teachers says cannabis merely inflates the ego. I can’t disagree, but I can’t discount the positive effects I’ve experienced either. It’s a very individual thing. Set and setting. Also, what’s wrong with ego in itself? All it is is the subjectively separate mind. Why not evolve that if you can? Get it closer to alignment with the superconscious by following the intuition. Anyway, that’s my spiel on that topic for now. Moving on....

What was it that finally triggered this sudden shift just a few days ago now? My sense is that a critical mass of self-inquiry, self-work, and transmutation of energies had been attained. Also that a cosmic countdown timer with my name on it had finally run out and hit the buzzer. So the good news to take home from that is that we can expedite our own awakening and activation through some kind of consistent, sincere spiritual practice, and that the more intensely we apply ourselves, the faster it goes. The bad news – not even bad news, really – is that the timing of the actual shift is out of our hands.

In the past, I would have felt apprehension at saying something like this, for fear of jinxing the good that’s come my way, but now such thought patterns feel simply outdated and obsolete. The pupa has cracked open and the butterfly is beginning to emerge. This is a time for celebration, on my end. That’s partly why I’m sharing: it comes with the territory to want to spread the good word and radiate positive vibes to everyone I meet. The other part of the reason, as you probably know, is that this is my calling and has been for some years. Actually, as far back as I can remember, but this dedicated blogging specifically started back in 2009.

So all this is just my word of encouragement to anyone who struggles with anxiety, depression, lethargy, lack of self-confidence, addiction, or any other black swamp of that nature stretching seemingly endlessly on in their life. There comes an end to all things, even to such sorry states of mind and habits of thinking that seem to control us willy-nilly and repeatedly drive us to the edge of despair and beyond. Keep faith. Don’t lose hope. Your savior is inside, waiting to make contact. Strive to attain that connection. Do whatever it takes. Follow your intuition. Pay attention to how you feel. And, above all, forgive yourself. It is not your fault you are in this condition. It is simply the journey you are on – and there is a higher purpose to everything that happens, whether you can see it or not.

Gratitude is my watchword now. Sometimes it arises spontaneously, sometimes I have to remind myself. But it feels important, like the secret key to a further opening somewhere down the road.

Thanks for coming by. I wish you all the luck, strength, wisdom, and support you need to get through whatever it is you may be struggling with. Remember, together with me, to give thanks for all that we have received, for it is truly abundant beyond our ability to comprehend.

Namaste and happy trails,

William