Awakening ain't what it's cracked up to be (so let's all take a chill pill, huh?)

Dear reader,

I have said before that this blog is “not as advertised.” This is the truth, but not due to any intent to mislead on my part. When I said that, I was merely referring to the philosophical bugaboo that some of us humans like to dress up in civilized clothes and domesticate for our own uses: the fact that nothing is what it appears to be. It’s a nice conversation piece, a curiosity, sometimes a way to prove that we are in on a deeper level of understanding of how things are. We wink about it, or we glance at it suspiciously, but we don’t normally apprehend the true meaning of it. It’s another notion in the great marketplace of notions, all competing for our belief. I obviously don’t want to play that game here, and to the extent that it gets exposed to me, I will cease to participate in it.

I’m not sure who said it – maybe J. Krishnamurti, probably Anthony de Mello – but to paraphrase the quote: “Before you can wake up, you must accept the fact that you do not want to wake up.”

I don’t know how true that is, but not wanting to wake up is indeed our default setting. It’s our comfort zone. Which can go a long way toward explaining why awakening is so often triggered by pain and suffering and pointlessness. These push us beyond our comfort zone and get us asking the questions that drive our journey.

It’s become clear to me – quite suddenly – that there are, after all, two kinds of awakening: awakening within the dream, and awakening from the dream. In the former, there is an experience that we may quite appropriately label as an awakening event or process. Something that used to hold us back gets resolved; we reach a new plateau in spiritual development; we let go of old beliefs and adopt new ones; a realization that used to be theoretical begins to come alive in us; we encounter a revolutionary new perspective or teaching that expands our worldview in unprecedented ways; our senses are opened to a new level; we perceive whole realms we didn’t know existed; we feel more aware and empowered. We may even experience a more or less dramatic change in the quality of our experience of earthly life as a result. This kind of awakening is not to be confused with the other. They are of different types altogether and cannot be put in the same category.

The second type of awakening is the one we’re mostly all avoiding. It’s in our nature to avoid it, given that it means the end of absolutely all comfort zones, safety lines, and guarantees from the perspective of the self we think we are. The only guarantee I’ve heard about it is that once you start, there really is no going back. This blog has not been about this second type of awakening – no matter how much anyone would like to believe that it has been – and there is no way that I am going to pretend to be your trustworthy guide to it. Quite simply, that would be impossible and would only be a counterfeit belonging to the first category. It is a solitary journey; I cannot hold your hand or travel it with you, as nice as that would be. Besides, I’m not even awake myself.

This blog was never my creation in the first place. I cannot presume to know its purpose, nor can I presume to know the purpose of anything at all. Well, actually, I can, but that would be a comforting lie. Awakening from the dream, as opposed to awakening within it, is a purely destructive process. It is the real meaning of the burning phoenix. Nothing of who you believed you were remains after the fact. It all has to go. The reason is because the underlying assumption of your entire subjective identity, the deep unconscious belief upon which all other beliefs rest, is false. But you are not to blame. Your senses, after all, seem to tell you the complete opposite of the truth in every moment.

Didn’t it ever occur to you why you never really found the true and lasting peace, assurance, power, abundance, and joy you were seeking? Even after all the awakenings, all the seeking, all the work? It’s because the same dream you’ve been dreaming all along is still your reality. It’s set up that way so that your only option, sooner or later, is to wake up from it. But hey, there’s no need to panic. Everything happens in its own time. You are not going to be punished from on high for not being awake. In light of the truth, that would be a ridiculous notion. So breathe easy. Do whatever you would do in any case. Wrongness, fortunately, is an optical illusion. Or so I gather. (grin)

What I would recommend for someone who is interested in this second awakening is a small book called Butterflies Are Free to Fly. I must warn you, do take heed of the warning in its pages. There is a point of no return along the way. The author will let you know. His words are not idle in this respect. My experience has borne this out, so do proceed past that point, if you decide to, with utmost self-honesty.

Your awakening phase, when it does show up, will not arrive by accident. A premature awakening is impossible. There is nothing shameful or less-than in being a dream-dweller, none whatsoever. You are what you are, a perfect creator’s perfect creation, no matter what you think you’ve earned as far as credits or demerits, no matter your perceived progress or lack thereof.

My gratitude, kinship, and respect go out to you, first for being just what you are. The fact that you are reading this is great, but that comes a far distant second. The words I write are not my own. I have not manifested you, and you have not manifested me. We exist as dream characters with no substantial existence of our own at all. The one who does exist, our infinite source, exists behind us players in the story. It's got our back more than we'll ever know. So no worries. Really.

Thanks for coming by. I hope I didn’t scare you too much. (wink) I will be back.

Your brother,

William

Wanted: Free Miracles

The observant reader of this blog will note that I make use of certain transcendental concepts which defy satisfactory explanation in terms of conventional rational modes of comprehension. They might be said to be suprarational, if I may risk such a term. The rational mind is not able to wrap itself around them, for their nature is beyond the world of the senses. At some point, the rational mind begins to suspect, and finally perhaps even admit, that its capacity to define and understand has certain limits; it circles back on itself with its endless demands for explanation and clarification and ultimately realizes the futility of the whole affair. This is no cause for despondency, however, for it is at this point that surrender becomes a conceivable option. It is to be noted that what is being surrendered is equal to nothing, and what is to be gained is equal to and greater than all that is and that ever might be.

Much to the chagrin of the echoes of my old thought structures, certain transcendental teachings begin to make sense – teachings which, earlier, I was inclined to misinterpret for the sole purpose of seeking the satisfaction of downing a strawman argument and being more right than the voice of the teacher. Gradually, I have been drawn inexorably toward concepts and philosophies that, while encompassing and embracing the reality of the senses as it appears to be, unequivocally belong to a suprasensory mode of thinking about or interpreting the contents of that seeming reality. The matrix begins to unravel as the mind plunges deeper into the rabbit hole of truth.

My purpose, as I hope you can see, is not to obfuscate, complicate, mystify, impress with a supposed personal superiority or come across as one who knows. I am as much a student and seeker as anyone who reads these pages. A devotee of truth, one who finds himself falling short in the living of that truth much more often than he would like, most loath to usurp the authority of the One who reveals all. I cannot stand here and clothe myself with pretenses; I am compelled to shed them and stand naked before the truth I profess to follow.

The teachings I now find myself opening up to are of the most radical and offensive kind, to which the conditioned mind takes an immediate distaste, discerning them to be inimical to its own nature and leading to its own demise. Fortunately, this character is now willing to drop its games of avoidance and face that which it knows will lead to its own liberation from the confines of the schizoid, separate self, to ecstasies unimaginable and a flowering of true divine Love.

As a matter of disclosure, fully knowing and regardless of what reactions may come of it, I can point to one particular teaching which I am more and more convinced may contain the key to unraveling even the subtlest layers of this unreal overlay upon the ultimate reality. It claims to provide a theoretical framework and a practical guide to awakening from the dream entirely, as distinct from any partial awakening to merely more expansive levels of the dream. This is an extraordinary claim indeed, and one should perhaps not be too surprised to find the name of Jesus matter-of-factly attached to it as the identifier of its source. (Mercifully, the name is given no importance and can be replaced by any name the student finds most appealing. Such latitude, however, does not extend to the way in which the teaching is meant to be interpreted. One Mind, one Truth, you might say.)

Truth be told, I have not even started page one of the Course in Miracles itself. I am gently easing myself toward it by reading Ray Renard’s book, The Disappearance of the Universe. To be precise, I am reading the Finnish translation aloud together with my wife. The book has captivated our interest in an unprecedented way, as the clear vibes unmistakably pour through and fill our minds with a clarity and peace that we find irresistible.

I make no claims regarding this teaching. Even though it uncompromisingly presents itself as a universal curriculum, the Course does not set itself up as any kind of exclusive be-all and end-all, nor does it claim to be suitable for everyone. It stands or falls on its own in relation to each individual who encounters it. I am not here to sell it or proselytize on behalf of it. I am merely sharing my own experience.

The funny thing is, I was always a little put off on some level when a very good friend of mine would talk about this Course in Miracles and the philosophy of Oneness he had gleaned from it. I felt like he was cheating, trying to take a spiritual shortcut that was bound to backfire, sending him on a wild goose chase into la-la land. I was leery of what I saw as largely an exercise in spiritual buffering or bypassing, as elucidated by Bernhard Guenther on Veil of Reality (linked on the right), of which he saw plain evidence in Marianne Williamson’s dangerously naïve and dismissive response to his plain questions on the problem of psychopaths in power during an election campaign event. Williamson, of course, is famous for making the Course quite well known in the new-age lecture circuit. I’m too sharp, luckily, (heh heh) to fall for the assumption of fault by association, mixing the messenger with the message. In my mind, this was a case of two subjective, personal truths clashing without a common ground. Perhaps neither could see where the other was coming from. It has nothing to do with A Course in Miracles.

This leads us nicely into the subject of politics. Leaving aside any question of Williamson’s suitability for public office or the world of politics, I am lately often occupied with questions of spirituality vis-à-vis popular movements in the political sphere. I must confess to harboring some outrageously grand visions of a mass political awakening intertwined with a flowering of new spiritual, social, economic, environmental, and personal awareness, freedom, and responsibility arising in my own country in a rather imminent future. Naturally, I have thought about being actively involved in the genesis of such a movement. Not a figurehead, but a founding member and catalyzing agent. I reckon we have everything we need, so why don’t we just get on with making it happen and figure out the details together as we go. Oh yeah, and I get to be like king or whatever for a day, just to do the parade thingy and wave at the adoring crowds. Nothing too fancy. Hey, as long as we’re dreaming here....

But seriously, cherished self-aggrandizing fantasies aside, what’s stopping an entirely new kind of revolution from happening? People are waking up en masse, they’re fed up with the dumb, destructive crap these two-bit politicians and media whores keep putting over on us, and there is a serious wealth of intelligence, wisdom, knowledge, skills, and resources here just waiting to be tapped for a worthy common purpose. The endgame of the cabal is being openly enacted: dismantling this republic, plundering the natural resources, and enslaving its people for keeps. If ever there was a time for the Suomi Lion to get into gear, this is it. I can’t be more clear than that.

Well, that’s my political speech for the day. Thank you very much.

Miracles do happen, on every level, simply by nature when that nature is unleashed. We all can be a part of a miraculous existence, by opening up to perceive the miracles we’re already surrounded by, and by opening up to the belief that anything is possible if we simply put our minds to it – all the more so when we unite with open hearts.

This transmission was made possible by forces unseen that have our very best interests at heart. Please do them the courtesy of acknowledging their existence and thanking them for what they do. It can’t hurt to put out a little prayer, either. We all need help, and it’s there for the asking, so please do yourself and the world a favor and avail yourself of what’s on offer. They’ll be more than glad to oblige.

Happy trails,

- BCii -

Abiding in Forgiveness - We Are the Dragon

Welcome, brothers and sisters, to the fellowship of the seekers of the eternal wisdom of the heart.

We are the ones whose wondering attention has turned to the great questions of life.

At any given moment, we only perceive one side – and of that, typically the most minuscule portion – of the great Möbius strip of life in duality.

This plays into the illusion that there can be something outside of ourselves for us to do that will make any difference to anything whatsoever. From the point of view of that which is permanent, such a false idea can only be absurd delusion.

Our senses cannot tell us anything of that which is permanent. They perceive symbols only.

The forces of Nature are, in themselves, quite neutral and blind. Nature is a virtual reality hologram projected by Mind. This hologram comprises all matter, energy, space, and time.

The cycles of time, of birth and death, creation and destruction, descending and ascending, operate on a sort of looping autopilot based on cosmic laws. The cosmos is a clockwork mechanism.

The principle of Balance maintains that all actions are ultimately null and void.

All creation borrows against the One, and is eventually repaid in the coin of the One.

Nothing can be added to, or taken away from, that which is permanent.

Consciousness, then, is the only thing that matters.

Consciousness chooses, now.

The outer is immaterial, the inner is all.

No doing or not-doing can solve the puzzle of life. Only choice. Only the attitude which informs our doing or not-doing.

Condemnation compounds the puzzle. Reconciliation dissolves it.

Become reconciled to yourself. Know that you are not what you appear to be: limited in space and time, unable to undo the chains that bind you.

You are infinite consciousness appearing as an individual being. The story of that individual being is the trajectory of this infinite consciousness within that dreamed-up character arc.

The only thing worth knowing, having, or being is Love. All else you might desire already emanates from there: your true divine nature as Love.

The path of reconciliation with your eternal nature is forgiveness.

Lay down your weapons. The world is not your enemy.

The world invites you to forgive.

This is the true purpose of all we see in the dream from which we struggle so mightily to awaken.

Our awakening, our emancipation, eludes us as long as we toil in vain. Give up that struggle and take up the real work.

Forgive. That is all. All else will come of its own accord. You need not concern yourself with the details of the future. All is in good hands, the most capable hands.

Infinite consciousness conspires together with your heartfelt intent to be free. The universe has got your back.

Things won’t typically go how you thought they might. You won’t be an overnight success story. Setbacks are to be expected. That’s the way it goes.

Think of this: if universe is out to give you anything and everything your soul desires, and if your soul’s deepest desire is to find a way out of the madhouse, then isn’t that already a done deal? All you need to do is walk the path.

You may be shown the most disgusting, perverted, inhuman things – appearing as part of the world, the people around you, and even the character you seem to be yourself. All there to be forgiven.

Forgiveness is not automatic. There’s no ritual to make it happen. There’s no need to make it happen faster or better. You are simply invited to choose it at your own pace.

Whatever comes into your awareness as something other than Love, forgive. If that is too much at the moment, then forgive the one identifying with the thought that to forgive, in this case, is asking too much of the personal me.

There is no personal me or you. This is a concept for now, perhaps supported by extramundane experiences with trance states or psychedelics, or even simply the wordless deep thought that arises from being still with nature. It is true.

The Sons of God descended into hell, one after the other. Lucifer, the bright and morning star, was the first. Heirs to glory, they chose to turn their backs on truth and forfeited their divine birthright as children of the heavenly King.

But the archangels, led by Michael, vowed not to abandon their brothers to eternal torment in the vain pursuits of spiritual blindness. Their work was subtle, an exceedingly long game, to tease out from the depths of illusion these precious lost souls. Against the will of their quarry they could do nothing. Their hope lay in the spark of divinity still burning within each breast, which forever longed to return to the glory of heaven, to remember their true nature as innocent brothers in the Light.

This is a symbolic story. It has relevance within the illusion. The fact is that we have never left our Father’s side. His fullest Love is ours in every moment. We are left with the choice of whether to receive it. But we cannot embrace lies and truth. Therefore it is the lies with which we must contend.

They have no power. Only consciousness choosing to invest belief in them, gives them the semblance of it.

Believe the truth: you are free. The bonds of corruption are a dream. Now all that is left is to awaken.

We are the dragon.

An ego's work is never done

So William has been extra busy with Christmas, buying presents and sending cards and all that good stuff, while going through something totally new on a consciousness front that is hard to put a label on but definitely feels good, having to do with automatic acceptance of the content of his experience, plus being in love with the I in I, granting him an ease and spontaneity and self-confidence never seen before. He has felt immune to fear and ready to be a catalyst for worldwide renaissance/revolution if that’s the path the divine has in mind for him. He has also been sleepless every other night, due to overstimulation from undigested novelty and wild visions of the future, possibly also just an energy thing but in any case not something he has very much control over.

The word ‘enlightened’ has been thrown around, not in the context of this blog but in the day to day. That word is, I must say, one I take pains to avoid because it gives me a literal pain. It’s gotten so loaded with assumptions and associations and projections and judgments that it has become quite useless in normal conversation. But we’ll use it here anyway, just to kick it while it’s down. (grin)

They say it’s the attachment to the enlightenment experience that can trip people up. I’ve read that the experience comes and goes. The enlightened state of consciousness, on the other hand, is a permanent feature of consciousness itself, being just what it is in a pure form, unweighed by the mental burdens we lump together as ‘ego’. (I get frustrated with some of these labels. They don’t seem to help much.) Well, I was riding high on the wave, filled with an ineffable spirit of love and goodwill and bliss and all that, and I had been thinking to myself, “I wonder if this is permanent.” The fear, as it always will, tried to jump on that, but I was too full of good vibes and assurance to be near its line of fire. I soon got a nice synch telling me that, yes, this does go on to infinity and beyond. Amongst the traffic, two cars, one after the other, drove through the intersection where I waited to cross, both of them bearing ‘888’ on their license plates. This on a day when I had barely glanced at a license plate. Make of that what you will, but under the circumstances I was more than willing to accept it as a sign.

Fast forward to today. William is overtired and getting grumpy. He receives an addled text message that makes him out to be a ten-million-megaton narcissist and yadda yadda yadda, barely comprehensible insults. This hits close. William fears narcissism, he feels that egomania is a very close thing when faced with the kind of experience he has been having. Objectivity is suddenly not so easy to come by.

He takes the dogs out for their evening walk, feeling not exactly fearful, but just staying with his uneasiness and asking, out loud, for help. Soon enough, he is having a conversation with himself. Luckily, no one is around. This is nice, like therapy. A role play. He doesn’t identify with any of the voices speaking, but he can place their vibe by the way they make him feel.

“You’re not here to concern yourself with such things. You’re here to forgive them.”

“If you take personal credit for the good vibes you carry and what they achieve through you, then you will take personal blame when you don’t measure up to that standard. It’s not personal. You are a vessel for whatever qualities and aspects of consciousness are present and active in the moment.”

“Choose love. Lose yourself in it and there will be nothing left to identify with any shadows.”

Personal William – a figment of someone’s imagination – is still around, thinking he’s real. I suppose that will be true until it isn’t. Meanwhile, there’s a life to live, a dream to dream, and one ongoing opportunity to choose the one thing there is to choose....

This treasure I sing

This treasure is indestructible, unassailable. It rests within me and I within it. It is within you as well, and its fullness contains all things. All things manifest are its own to give and take as it will. It is your birthright and destiny and your life belongs to it. Ask and it shall be given unto you. Ask and it shall open itself unto you. Open yourself to it, and it will transform you utterly. It is your wings, your shield, your mother and father, your very innermost self. There is nothing it cannot accomplish given the desire to do it. Sincerity will hold its attention. Innocence is its nature. Certitude and singleness of purpose will summon it from beyond the grave or any other event horizon if need be. Peace is its calling card. Miracles are its business. Understanding and wisdom are its ever-flowing gifts. The power it wields has no equal, for it is the source of power. United in its illuminated net of synergy, we are a force to be reckoned with. Those who misuse force will have their light taken away, but the forgiveness in this treasure's heart can wipe away all misdeeds. It knows the truth, and that truth will set you free. Lightness and ease will attend your every move. Confidence and trust will put an end to all doubts in your mind. You are that treasure, and your purpose is to remember yourself. It is the pearl of great price of which the angel choirs sing. It is the bane of demons and commander of Satan – "Get thee hence, accuser!" – whom he must obey. The law will guide you toward it, but only when you commit always to the next higher law. Only grace can grant it, there can be no storming its gates. This place sublime is where lovers go in their ecstasy of union, where true poets and painters get the means to create what they do in their selfless passion. It is the healing water and the purifying flame, the nourishing earth and the whispering wind. Its alchemy, the mystery, is the breath that draws every soul and atom toward its omega and sends it forth from alpha anew. I cannot but join these meagre words, so pale in comparison to its glory, in a humble effort to uplift fellow minds and hearts to the apprehension of its holy nature and eminent desirability. It is all I ever truly wanted, and now that it has been given, all I can do is share the wealth. Thank you for being with me now. Thank you for being who you are. It is what you do best, so I hope you will give it your all. The world deserves the best in you, so bring it forth and watch the mutual blessings flow. May all this become reality in your life, and may all beings attain this eternal bliss. Hallelujah, praise the Lord. Be One, be well, be all that you can be. See you on the other side, where even these words shall shine with the glory they clothe, and where words and time shall pass away as dust in the everlasting ineffable song of the One.

Pirates of the Caribbean, man. What more could you want?

Apropos of nothing, here’s an off-the-cuff rumination on a decidedly black pearl of our modern popular culture.

In one of my favorite Disney movies, the classic second installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy (we won’t mention the painful travesty that was the ill-executed fourth money cow which even the great Ian McShane was unable to redeem from its morass of confused storytelling and pointless spectacle that pushed the limits of absurdity a bit too far and a bit too blindly, finding itself too often merely chasing the magic and glory of its predecessors in unfunny self-parodyland, and may I be forgiven if memory colors it unfairly thus in my mind), the cynically pragmatic and deliciously nonchalant Banal Evil Incarnate, Lord Cutler Beckett, throws this unforgettable, superbly smug, melodramatic gem in the faces of the protagonists:

“The immaterial has become... immaterial.”

He means the mysterious forces of the supernatural, but it could just as well be read, “The invisible has become of no consequence.” In esoteric parlance, this is of course a lie and a dangerous delusion which leads the believer of it only to their own eventual correction and/or to the ultimate undoing of all their wrong-headed plans for the external. And even if those plans were to come to fruition, that fruit would be ashes in their mouth, an empty victory devoid of satisfaction or endurance. “All is vanity, saith the preacher.” (Yeah, I like to quote the Bible. I grew up with it. No apologies; it’s too rich and poetic a source to pass up. And sprinkled with awesomely truthy bits, once you acquire the taste. Jesus in particular kicks ass.)

Consistent themes in these Johnny Depp fantasy flicks are the fear of death, what people are willing to do to cheat their mortality and gain personal wealth, and where those efforts drive them.

Even though Depp is ostensibly the star, Bill Nighy steals the show for my money with every tentacular scene he mournfully and balefully stomps and splutters his way through. The organ-playing scene with the music box and the key is easily the most memorably poignant moment in the trilogy for me. His humanity and pain come through so undeniably, with such intensity and nuance, that I am hard pressed to watch it without getting a lump in my throat and mist in my eyes.

The slightly contrived-feeling but no less educational subplot of Mr. Flavorless and Kind of Forgettable Orlando Bloom Character and his poor dad, Bootstrap Bill, does not fail to strike chords of truth and pathos with its sacrificial resolution. Was the kid worth it? Only a father would know, and thank God for that. Love knows no bounds in what it is capable of in those who give themselves over to it, and the choice of a single moment, like Vader’s betrayal of his mentor in Star Wars 3 (what prequels?), can overturn the legacy of a lifetime of waste and error.

I’m getting rather hungry for some second breakfast, so I’ll leave this here and go on to the next thing. See you soon!

A Way Out of Pain

If it's even possible for a Matt Kahn video to bring me into more intense bouts of laugh-my-ass-off hilarity and deeper cleansing tears than any previous video, then this one did it. Watch it. This is powerful stuff.

Energy Update - Ascension 2015

Resonating. Deep sigh of relief, so much tension has fallen away. The future is now, all open. Thanks, Matt.

Striving and breaking through: a word of encouragement for seekers

There’s no time like the present. You know why they call it the present – it comes as a gift and you have to be present to receive it.

Those are almost clichéd statements, but as is so often the case with clichés, they are also very true. We nod our heads like we know what’s being expressed and then go right on living as if we hadn’t a clue. Well, we’re not to blame. It’s the pervasive, oppressive net of crushing mental and emotional tyranny that covers our world most anywhere that’s within reach of our so-called civilization. If you don’t have a critical mass of inner certitude vis-à-vis the truth to counter its effect, you will succumb to its soul-sucking influence.

I’m going to use myself as an example today, not because I am special but because I am not. I am essentially just like you. Of course, I have my own unique set of gifts and talents – but then, so do you and so does everyone else. The only difference – if difference there be – is a matter of degree in the intensity and direction of their use. And even that’s a little bit beside the point.

I wrote a comment recently – maybe a couple of months ago – at one of Les Visible’s blogs where I said I felt like a caterpillar soon to turn pupa. This was mentioned partly in relation to the activities of reading and writing – consuming and producing content – but also meant in a general way regarding the journey of spiritual evolution. I was ravenously devouring material at the time: Matt Kahn’s work was a big one, key to the whole shift I’m going to tell you about, but I was really eating up everything that came my way and drew my interest. I was really intensive in my search; I felt the compelling need to find the missing pieces and fit them into my worldview and thinking habits, desperate for a cure for the malaise I’d been suffering more and less throughout my post-early childhood life.

With Matt Kahn’s work, I hit pay dirt. The energy I felt being conveyed in his videos was the most peaceful, sublime, nurturing, forgiving, unconditionally loving and affirming, accepting, liberating, and empowering feeling I had encountered in as far back as I could remember. No artificial syrupy sweetness, no demands or pressure, just refreshing, grounded honesty and a sense of being gently coaxed and welcomed home after a long and wearying journey. I drank in that energy like a man dying of thirst in the desert.

Finally, here was someone telling me stuff that really made a difference, that I could really put to use, both instantly and over time. The transformation inside was palpable. I began to seriously apply the teachings he offered, to meditate daily upon them while walking and doing ordinary things, and to reflect upon the things I encountered in my everyday life through the mirror of that wisdom.

It made a difference. I began to have regular peak experiences beyond anything previously available to me, realizations and even activations. I was smoking cannabis rather regularly at the time, too, and I believe that gave me a huge extra boost as well. I did not feel I was dependent on it psychologically; rather, I used it as a tool, ally and sacrament for conscious self-work and exploration. I left no room for guilt or uncertainty about using it, but set my intention to the highest good of my growth and healing, accepting whatever came with open receptivity, and maintaining clarity and groundedness as best I could in the moment without trying to control the flow of the experience from a place of fear. Control was intuitively guided and natural, simply by remaining alert and watchful of my impressions, applying whatever wisdom felt called for.

I have always had a close therapeutic relationship with this plant, ever since the first time I tried it. Yes, there have been times I naïvely, recklessly, and less-than-respectfully abused it, but those times are long over. “The path of excess leads to the tower of wisdom.” I learned, from the ass-kickings those lapses in good sense cost me, how not to use this sacred plant. So I was well equipped to benefit from its synergetic consciousness-boosting effects at this stage of my personal path. One of my friends and teachers says cannabis merely inflates the ego. I can’t disagree, but I can’t discount the positive effects I’ve experienced either. It’s a very individual thing. Set and setting. Also, what’s wrong with ego in itself? All it is is the subjectively separate mind. Why not evolve that if you can? Get it closer to alignment with the superconscious by following the intuition. Anyway, that’s my spiel on that topic for now. Moving on....

What was it that finally triggered this sudden shift just a few days ago now? My sense is that a critical mass of self-inquiry, self-work, and transmutation of energies had been attained. Also that a cosmic countdown timer with my name on it had finally run out and hit the buzzer. So the good news to take home from that is that we can expedite our own awakening and activation through some kind of consistent, sincere spiritual practice, and that the more intensely we apply ourselves, the faster it goes. The bad news – not even bad news, really – is that the timing of the actual shift is out of our hands.

In the past, I would have felt apprehension at saying something like this, for fear of jinxing the good that’s come my way, but now such thought patterns feel simply outdated and obsolete. The pupa has cracked open and the butterfly is beginning to emerge. This is a time for celebration, on my end. That’s partly why I’m sharing: it comes with the territory to want to spread the good word and radiate positive vibes to everyone I meet. The other part of the reason, as you probably know, is that this is my calling and has been for some years. Actually, as far back as I can remember, but this dedicated blogging specifically started back in 2009.

So all this is just my word of encouragement to anyone who struggles with anxiety, depression, lethargy, lack of self-confidence, addiction, or any other black swamp of that nature stretching seemingly endlessly on in their life. There comes an end to all things, even to such sorry states of mind and habits of thinking that seem to control us willy-nilly and repeatedly drive us to the edge of despair and beyond. Keep faith. Don’t lose hope. Your savior is inside, waiting to make contact. Strive to attain that connection. Do whatever it takes. Follow your intuition. Pay attention to how you feel. And, above all, forgive yourself. It is not your fault you are in this condition. It is simply the journey you are on – and there is a higher purpose to everything that happens, whether you can see it or not.

Gratitude is my watchword now. Sometimes it arises spontaneously, sometimes I have to remind myself. But it feels important, like the secret key to a further opening somewhere down the road.

Thanks for coming by. I wish you all the luck, strength, wisdom, and support you need to get through whatever it is you may be struggling with. Remember, together with me, to give thanks for all that we have received, for it is truly abundant beyond our ability to comprehend.

Namaste and happy trails,

William

How to read this blog

Hello there!

Whatever this blog business has been has been what it’s been. My task, which I undertake with pleasure and to the best of my ability, is to show up when I’m called and share what comes out. As for you, dear reader, only you can be the knower of what brings you here and what you seek to gain by coming here. I am not going to coddle you, control you, tell you what to think, or allow my assumptions of what you might think put a damper on the message. The message is why I’m here. My employer would know the why of things better than me, but certain bits of knowledge do come my way. The rest is the product of my own cognition, subject to my own personal limitations. I do pick up some of the stuff you see here from quite a clear channel, but certainly not all of it. How you take anything here is your call. Discern. Pay attention to how it makes you feel when you read it. That’s how I write, by the way, to a large extent: by feel.

All creativity is from one source. Credit for any truth value in this blog goes to the originator of it, who lives in the same place as the originator of me and you. They’re the same dude/gal/thing/force/thingummybob/you-name-it. So no worries. We’re all in this together. Everyone just playing their roles. No blame, no shame, no debts, no frets. I owe you nothing and you owe me nothing. Whatever happens is the interplay of manifest forces. The Tao. The Dance.

Dance with me. Feel. That’s right, feel what’s going on in yourself and let it play out. Respond inwardly, feel your own response to what you read. You feel already without thinking about it, but if you pay attention to the response, you can pick up what it’s telling you. About the text, about you, about life. What you think of as your thinking mind, where words happen, is a part of that. But only a small part. Your physical body is just as important, if not greatly more so. Impressions are received with the total instrument. The more open and relaxed you are, the clearer the impressions you receive. To attain objectivity, undo resistance to what is.

This is something I endeavor to facilitate here, by illuminating the keys to the kingdom, so to speak. Binding and loosing. The latter is what we’re after, the former requires that we recognize what it’s done to us and how so that the latter can do its work more effectively.

Love is all you need. I emphasize Love because it is the truth we seek, it is the one universal solution that knows the specific solution to any particular problem and has the power to make it happen. It is that which affirms what is, which cannot be out of alignment with itself. It is invincible and can allow itself any form, even the most horrifying. You need not be under the spell of horror. Love is what you are, and when you live as that Love, then you need fear nothing. Indeed, you cannot fear in that blessed state. Love sees itself in all things. What could threaten that which created all and is all?

My dear brother, my dear sister: believe in your Self. You are never far from home. You need only turn to see Love, the beautiful shining perfection of all.

The capacity to perceive and enact Love is on a dimmer switch from 180-degree total darkness at the bottom to zero-degree true north at the top. There is no limit to how much Love and light there can be. That dimmer switch is inside you. Ask the Divine to help you turn it up.

My work here for today is done. Thank you for being here now. May you be with God, as God is with you, and within you. Shalom.

certitude (put it on)

the certain knowledge that your true, original, ultimate, enduring, and eternal nature is that of Love

regardless of how you appear to be in this moment

makes how you appear to be in this moment

ok

worthy of your own loving attention

even if you feel like you can't love

then simply love the one who feels like they can't love

no need to force love to appear where it isn't, to attempt to apply some contrived, imaginary overlay of love

that masks the bare reality of what's there

or measures it against some ideal

and demands there be something else, something better

just love the one having the experience you seem to be facing

be it circumstance, emotion, action, or whatever comes into your awareness

receive it as it is and let it be what it is

it, too, shall pass in time

when you see with the eyes of Love

you can do no wrong

your experience is alive with this truth

it is what underlies all things

go and sin no more

but forgive

and be the blessing you are here to be

for the sake of all the world

and rejoice

for all has been redeemed

in the still and mighty arms

of eternity

Breaking Free

You are ready to come home.

You begin to realize, deeper and deeper, that home is within you.

The holy guardian angel, your higher self, the crystallization of the godly being that you are, guides and protects your every step. You now perceive this guidance and protection where once it was not so apparent to you, and you feel a growing sense of gratitude and security.

One by one, layer by layer, inner tensions and conflicts are resolved. Your sight becomes clearer, your steps lighter, your joy fuller, your peace more profound.

You make mistakes like before, yet not like before: you begin to forgive yourself. Not a self-indulgent license or excuse for doing wrong, but the knowing that even though you messed up in a relative sense, you only did what you were meant to do at the time and that one power does all things, no matter how it may appear, for the perfect outworking of a perfect will. You are not the person who did those things now. You are the person who has traveled that path and is willing to make a better choice next time. You set yourself free of moralizing judgments, and notice how much easier it becomes to forgive others.

You see that karma is balance, cause and effect, a mirror, perfect justice... and, ultimately, unreal. Grace is available every second. It comes from beyond time. It is your shelter from the wrath of form, liberating without exempting, translating the inner quality of your experience into the language of heaven. It is the voice of the all-forgiving Christ.

What will you do when you finally come home? Will you stay? Of course you will, for as long as you so desire and as long as you possibly can. You’ll have gone through all the suffering and have no personal taste for going back to it. But so long as even one soul is lost in the wilderness, someone’s going to have to go and shine a light for them. Someone is going to have to meet them where they are....

Do I speak as a fool, from a place of ignorance? Why do I speak on behalf of personal suffering? Why can’t souls just stay in heaven permanently once they’re there?

Heaven is no-time, just now. We’re always there, even when we don’t think we are. Thinking makes it so, said the Bard. And he was right. Our experience of something that’s not heaven comes about because our mind has taken some illusions on board. Can illusions hurt you? Only subjectively, and only inasmuch as you believe in them. (There are, of course, levels upon levels of belief....)

Heaven is no-place, just here. The manifest world is a story created by the mind. The first mind – prime creator of the cosmos – tells the story, but always remembers that it’s only a story. The characters are a different matter: for the purposes of the story, many if not most of them will, for whatever part of the duration, remain unaware of the truth beyond the story: that they are products of one mind; that they can potentially awaken to what lies beyond, which lies within.

Identity. Who am I? The One appearing as one among the infinite parts of the All that is One.

---

“Limits of an Infinite Self.” This was the name of my old blog. You can still read it. I just don’t identify strongly with the person who wrote it. A past version of me, somewhat more caught up in existential angst and conditioning. There are some pearls in there worth saving, regardless, in my present opinionated opinion. The value to the reader of anything, of course, is up to the reader. Even now, what I write is, as it was then, an upwelling of whatever happens to come out in the moment. Good, bad, indifferent – I’m not here to judge it. Just to be the instrument of its arrival. All is of One, and all credit goes to the same address.

The infinite Self takes on limitation. This is mind-boggling, a paradox that will drive you mad as you ponder it. Don’t try to understand it. God knows I have, and here I am, still at it. Perennial fool that I am. Oh well, one is a slave to one’s inner drives, and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s how God works. That crazy-like-a-fox dude, eh? You’ll never get the best of him. It doesn’t work that way. Doesn’t stop some of us trying, of course.

Well, I was navigating some sort of thread back there, and I took a little detour, got all meta on myself. Uhm, let’s see...

(Isn’t this fun?)

Why do you think you came here? As an infinite being, to be incarnated in this time and place... you’ve come a long way just to be here the way you are now. Why?

(Just a caveat: the personal you never can be, never was, and never will be equal to the One in All. That’s the ineffable. Which is also you, but infinitely beyond you at the same time. That’s because the notion of a you is just a crazy notion. We are One. Please do remember to laugh. The worst thing we can do is to take our personal selves seriously. The fact that we do is the cosmic joke. So don’t forget to laugh at the fact that you forgot to laugh!)

Obviously, you are no stranger to heaven. It is your home, and a home knows its master. Master of heaven? Well, yeah. Nothing special about that. We all are. (At least originally. Can’t speak for the children of darkness, but then that’s just duality creeping in. We’re not going that route. Perhaps another time. Disregard it, it has nothing to do with what we’re talking about. Now I’ve only succeeded in confusing you. See how tricky this is? That dual mind is a real trickster.)

It’s the story. The story dictates that a certain character be in a certain place at a certain time, doing or saying or thinking a certain thing. That’s all.

Now it’s nothing to whine about, to feel sorry for yourself for having all these layers of limitation placed on you. Sure, you can do that. It’s just not the best use of your time – if you want to have a good time. And who doesn’t?

Since all the sincerely good times are happening in the heavenly realms, many of the happy souls who inhabit them are quite willing to go out on missions to help others get there too. Sometimes those missions involve taking upon themselves whatever conditions envelop the souls they’ve come to assist. Being born here, for example. Often the mission profile entails first being subjected to exactly the same kind of programming that put everyone else there into such a non-heavenly state. Next they have to get their mind deprogrammed, and that can be a heck of a slog. It helps if they didn’t get too damaged in the first place, but their makeup does give them an edge in breaking free from the matrix.

All that is just another story-within-a-story. My gift to you, passed on from wherever it came to me from. If you’re reading this, you are breaking free. And that’s damn awesome. Welcome to the party. I will now shut up so you can get back to celebrating who you are in your own special way. Thanks!