Craving an end to the nightmare...

... like a seed craves to burst forth into root and leaf. Just to breathe the free air.

Why are you telling me?

This is the wall of frustration that meets us at some point along the way. At some point, more revelation of the dirty deeds of the damned feels impotent, pathetically redundant, and our heart beats with the cadence of a terrible, implacable rage that calls out for revolution... and resolution. Yes, the peace we truly desire is deep within us, we can feel it and it sustains us. We know that the Source of us all has allowed these things to come to pass for the purpose of demonstration. But our hunger for a world free of these pestilential nuisances and demons run amok, our fervent thirst for a world safe for innocence to come out and play, will not be denied, nor sated before that world is a reality. What will it take? What are we willing to do, in real terms, for the coming into being of that world?

Everything. Let this be our cause and our commitment. Nothing less than our very all. Let us dedicate every breath, every awareness, every action to the cause of liberation. Let us use this insane illusion that impinges on our senses as the impetus for our growth into the very beings we came here to be. Beings powerful enough to wipe these miscreants off the face of the earth like the scum that they are. Beings wise enough to know, embrace and establish a way of life that will endure. Beings fully conscious of our connection to the all, of our purpose in life. Beings unattached and unencumbered, yet fully present and active. Beings of immortal essence.

In my heart, I forgive these brothers and sisters so far gone in the whirlpool of evil. Their fate is not a happy one. I do not rejoice at the harm inflicted, layer upon layer, level through level, by and through and in their hierarchy of falsehood. I do not excuse a single loveless act. I know that the One who redeems me redeems also them. I pray that as many as may be might find a way to less punishing locales on their soul’s journey, that even the demons themselves might avoid eternal torment if they can. But that is up to each individual. It is an exercise of free will to choose light over darkness. I know that there is but one Will, and relinquish all desire to criticize it. My very existence is an expression of that same Will. How shall I know its purposes? It is not my place but to be what I am, to know what I seem to know, to carry out this journey I gave to myself in the enlightened halls of eternity (and add a ‘relatively’ to both E-words there).

I do not rejoice in error. I do rejoice in the sure and sublime promise of that error’s correction, in the ending of the horror film that it wrote. I rejoice in the possibilities given to me in each moment: to choose an expanded view, to see the One that we are in the eyes of another, to give thanks for all the miraculous gifts I have been given, to free myself from the grip of sin. This mind-body automaton does what it does according to its apparent abilities and inclinations, subject to all that is unconscious about it; I am free to watch and offer whatever comment I choose, engage with the now while disentangling from false identities. I can marvel at the mystery of divine Will and thrill at the grace opportunity to actively participate and work together with it.

It is a gift to be allowed and able to write these words. It is a gift to know that I am on the way Home. It is a gift to share this little space, this passing moment, with you, my intrepid fellow traveler. Do we not take comfort and find strength in fellowship with one another?

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It’s now several hours after I typed the words above. I was directly given an opportunity to apply some of the wisdom implicit in what I had just spelled out on screen. It’s one thing to say (or write) the words, and quite another to put the principles behind them into practice.

“Am I my brother’s keeper?”

No, we cannot control nor be held responsible for the choices of others. Yes, we are responsible for how we relate to others. Even when those others, their present circumstances and their actions in the past, trigger our defenses, fears, and judgments. We must own our defenses, fears, and judgments. They are not who we are, they are artifacts of a mind structure built up from past memories. We may have been too compassionate, too open and trusting, too willing to extend the benefit of the doubt and endless second chances, umpteenth and last chances. We got burned, bad things happened and we regretted our naïveté, resolving not to let our wide-eyed faith in others’ better nature compromise our discernment in future interactions with them.

Empathy does not require that we be a doormat for others. Willingness to help does not mean that we must acquiesce to others’ unreasonable requests. Desire to maintain good relations does not mean we must bend over backwards to please them. There are no hard and fast rules. Common sense, trusting our inner guidance, openness and sensitivity to the cues of the present moment, bringing our very best discernment to bear, and an uncompromising integrity and autonomy of self: these are our indispensable tools.

It’s easy to be too hard and close off an opportunity for genuine contact and needed assistance. It’s easy to be too soft and gullible and invite abuse. The fine line between... now that is not always so easy. Total honesty and heart-centeredness of being: these will help immeasurably.

I can feel in my body when I am missing the mark. When I feel that off-balance, uneasy sense of wrongness, I know I need to keep searching for what’s right. When I have peace and unity of mind and purpose, then I know I’m on the right track.

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I alluded to the path of devotion in the second paragraph of this post. It is the work of a lifetime, or many lifetimes, to build up such devotion that every breath, awareness, and action is totally surrendered to a single higher purpose. I have been – however slowly and unsteadily, even faltering and straying wildly at times – in the process of cultivating devotion for a long time. I feel I have gained perhaps a centimeter of ground on that path. The intent has been there, but the conviction is so often lacking. I do not let that dishearten me. I know that every moment is a new opportunity, golden and unique. All that matters is now.

I have supremely enjoyed Les Visible’s latest transmissions. His relocation seems to be doing him a whole lot of good, now that the hurdles are past and he’s been able to focus on settling in. Here’s the one I read today, very in tune (as usual) with the symphony in play at the moment:

The Waiting Cenobites and the Beast of the Apocalypse

As much as apocalypse weighs upon my mind and upon the minds of so many others, it’s not ultimately that different a time than any other, except outwardly. The intensity cranks up, the stakes go sky-high, but the choice remains the same: where do you want to go and what are you willing to do to get there? Upon the answer to that question rests our fate, or our destiny. Let us not choose blindly. We shall see, or be made to see. What do you claim to hold to? Hold to it and see if it is what you thought it was. Or if you are what you thought you were.

Love is not required of us. Neither is wisdom. But woe to those who hanker after personal power and the things of this world, and reject both love and wisdom! Sad, too, is the way of those who claim to want love and wisdom, yet merely fool themselves and each other. Ah well, as they say, the fool who persists in his folly will be made wise. Maybe that’s what this is all about after all.

Don’t mind me. Mind yourself. (smile)

Be well, and may your acquaintance with the heart of yourself grow ever deeper.

So long,

- William