Thursday, October 12, 2017

Feel what longs to be felt . . .

Our depression and discontent
that we so desperately try to escape
through diversions of every kind
are speaking to us, carrying a message from our past.

They are the only clue we have
to the trauma embedded so far beneath
the preoccupations of our day-to-day awareness
that it sends back only its outermost layers of coping
to spike through into our lives.

Unconscious, we suffer and barely know it.

Eventually, the sense of wrongness grows too strong to ignore
and we are compelled to a more purposeful search
for its source and reason,
for why it persists,
and for its potential cure.

Others have trod this path before me
and shared what they have found.

They tell tales too similar for coincidence,
all seeming to fit together somehow.

Even those whose probing seems
to have left deeper, more personal and painful depths unplumbed
tell of things that fit into an overarching image of the whole
as detail, context… and mythic parable.

In my moments of deepest clarity, I find
that I cannot but perceive
that all is myth, all is parable,
and creation exists to mirror our endless quest
to know what it is we are
and what it is we are not.

Harrowing tales have been told,
tragedies most profound,
of loss too great to comprehend,
of injustice and calamity and abuse,
complicity and self-betrayal, lies upon lies
an interminable hell of stagnation
inside a mirrored hypercube of digitally-coded light
that simulates the real but can never deliver it.

We know we are meant to live free,
to enjoy co-existence and expansion
through creative immersion and challenge
and cross-pollination and co-operation
and unexpected novel forms
in an innocent and mutually honoring play of exploration,
yet here we are, conditioned beyond all recognition,
transformed into impotent marionettes
whose free will and awareness remain alive enough
to sustain the beast,
yet caged and diminished so as not to escape its control.

We are more than these dream characters in a holographic play.

We may be anchored to these forms while they live and breathe,
but we are not limited to the narrow band of possibility
afforded by their crudest capabilities,
the ones our culture tells us are the ones that matter.

What happened to our capacity to feel,
to empathize with our fellow beings,
to be fully present in the richness and vitality
of the holy communion of the now?

These things have been hidden and stolen away from us
by stealth and coercion and distraction,
numbed out of us through trauma
and post-traumatic stress survival mode.

Feel more, stress less.

Breathe, stretch, relax, let tension melt away.

Allow all feelings to wash over you as they will.

Forgive every less-than-loving thought;
they are only thoughts in a quantum sea of all possible thoughts,
attracted into awareness by the magnetism of past conditioning,
and communicate nothing of the true quality of who we are.

Feel,
forgive,
strive for growth,
let go of pretense.

Abide in the unshakable knowing-sense – gnosis – of your innermost being.

You are eternal.

You are boundless.

You are all-powerful.

You are infinitely caring and loving and kind.

Your alignment is impeccable and immovable.

Your wisdom sees through everything.

Your experience is a sampling of all this
through the instrument of a discrete being in time and space
voluntarily open to distortion and limitation.

All these qualities are your birthright.

Discern through feeling
what is and what is not of your divine nature.

Align your will to embody what resonates as true.

This is your gift and service to the whole.

Thank you.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Welcome to another wee-hour stream of WTF-is-this -ness...


Feeling into my orientation, I sense an attraction to letting the gravity well take me, suck me down into the black hole of… non-existence?

The negative form of surrender… capitulation to the Thanatos?

And yet both Eros and Thanatos exist in me, I also feel the desire to live and express…

There is a sense that Thanatos will have me in the end anyway and therefore it’s pointless to strive for anything in this world…

And yet the little Alan Watts -inspired voice is saying, Yes, of course it’s all pointless, of course your life in this form will end soon… but why define meaning based on that? That’s the real tragedy, to miss the opportunity to make something wonderful out of life, to use what we’ve been given to create something really worthwhile in the moment, with the knowledge of its impermanence only heightening its preciousness, spurring us on to realize ever greater richness of experience, of depth of meaning…

There always comes a point, a limit in these mental speculations, where it feels incredibly stupid to keep obsessing over thoughts of how it is or how it should be, to keep these wheels spinning, creating nothing of real value… like the fiat currency conjured out of thin air whose value is completely fictional, abstract, but for the fact that it’s used in the real world to make actual things happen… a kind of magic, if you will, based on belief, investment of power in symbols…

I will never be happy unless I am engaged with the ecosystem of life, giving who I am as an individual to the social body of humanity in a positive way… serving something larger than myself. That is ultimately what provides purpose and meaning to this existence. We are here for each other.

Each loving interaction with another being – or with some part of myself – affirms the value of life, of our being, infuses us with an energy that comes from the very wellspring of who we are, the Yes to the great question always before us… feeds our souls the manna they need to stay healthy and grow. Without love, we wither and diminish, sliding endlessly towards death, the great spiritual death where the juice is sucked out and all joy is forgotten…

Chutes and ladders. This gravity of Thanatos is the great sacrifice of our transcendent Self, to offer the counter-option against which Life is defined. There is ultimately no harm done by choosing the dark side – and what horrors the divine Being goes through when it does! These horrors we all face on some level, being all of us touched by that force. Even the wisest and most integrated beings know Hell, in fact they know it the most intimately of all. And yet what makes them so wise and whole and balanced is their deep-rootedness in both the Beyond and in the matrix of existence… They are so finely and completely connected on every level, only harmony can exist within their sphere… to the point where they go beyond harmony per se, integrating even all disharmonies into a greater unity, allowing the dark to perform its role and function, as it commands the right to do as empowered by the choices of sovereign beings…

I think it not arrogance or folly to consider each of us a child of God, equal with God – and not equal in the obviously fallacious sense, but equal in terms of having just as much right to choose and just as much right to be recognized as being one with the I Am. On the contrary, it is the only sane and sensible way to perceive this multiplicity of beings – not accounting for the right of every being to disagree if they so choose and to experience that belief as their reality, even to deem that view the pinnacle of sanity and sensibility in their eyes.

I find there is a constant in all of this exploration: the consistent need to go beyond what has gone before. There is no arrival, only forward motion. And that is a beautiful thing, as much as it can be terrible. We know not what tomorrow brings, only that it will come.

The Course in Miracles -pseudoeducated spiritual ego voice is smugly scoffing a little at the idea of a tomorrow, earning a disgusted look from the practical ego. Now, now, children. We all need to learn to work together.

It evidently pleases me to feel broken and manifest a broken puppet as my avatar. It’s so nice out here in Victimland, I got all this company even! See, we can all complain and commiserate together and blame the world for our problems. Or just shit on ourselves and drown in self-hate. Yummy! It’s a pity party! So much easier than shouldering any responsibility.

Mirthless cackling. Responsibility, you dirty old devil. Sitting there, waiting for me to get with the program. Well, I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Imma stay right here, bro. Just to piss you off. Yeah, I’m spiteful. I’m a victim!

Gag. Holy shit, what a hellish scene. Are we gonna keep watching this flick? Seriously, dude. It’s getting fucking old, and I’m not getting any younger, you know what I mean?

I got an idea. Let’s just sit here and let everything be. Fuggedaboudit. Just let it be. Settle into this space right here. Breathe. Let it all come in, let it all go out. Mmmmmmm. This is where it’s at! Everything’s right here! Wow, let’s chill here for a bit…

Monday, September 4, 2017

Manifesting Your Dream Life from Oneness by Bentinho Massaro


(Talk starts at 7:10)

I find Bentinho's teachings so deep and clear and powerful that I can't not share this video. This is next-level stuff.

Let me address potential objections or criticisms by saying, Yes, of course he may rub you the wrong way and seem like just another goddamn guru. If that's the case, then I applaud your commitment to that perspective and have no desire to try to change it. As always, take what resonates and disregard the rest. Enjoy! And if the material does resonate, then there's plenty more where this came from. :-)

Initiation: Through the Fear

Initiation: Through the Fear on SoundCloud


This is a dream recall from a few nights ago when I woke up very early after just a couple of hours of sleep. I can now see how limited my interpretation of the dream was at the time; I'd now describe it as an experience designed to demonstrate in an intense way how strong, bold, courageous, indestructible, and pure of heart I am at the vibrational level I was at. A faith- and confidence-building exercise through confronting some deeply terrifying, trying, and repugnant manifestations.

None of what I went through in this or any other dream defines me unless I choose to let it do so. I can choose to interpret this or any other dream in a way that maximizes my empowerment and expansion toward my next highest vision of myself. And since this waking life itself is another level of dream, the same applies to every experience.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Death, The Great Liberator

https://soundcloud.com/bcii-1/death-the-great-liberator
Death, The Great Liberator on SoundCloud

It's my first audioblog, impelled to creation by a deep internal shift. Nothing earth-shattering, on the one hand - conceptually, it's old hat, and prior epiphanies have pointed to the same thing - but it is life-changing for me nonetheless, and you may find some resonance as I attempt to elucidate my experience. I'm not the most charismatic and exciting speaker, and I recorded this in the dead of night, but it's only 17 minutes long... so if you want a little authentic taste of raw me talking about what was on my mind in the middle of the night, here's a piece. Enjoy!

Friday, June 16, 2017

Disturbed – The Sound of Silence (432 Hz)

core of cosmic tragedy

cause of founding agony

body, soul, and spirit split

brothers made strangers

islands of burning anguish

in a sea of cold indifference

you do not feel

your pain is too great

I tell you, walking dead one

yet the life within you cries out

for remembrance

only to be heard
through the sound of silence








Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

Fools, said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence

Friday, June 9, 2017

Om – Advaitic Songs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts3YWVFUnvU



1. Addis

2. State Of Non-Return


Traveler now reach the stream
The astral flight adapter

From the pain-sheath life ascends
The non-returner sees

Empathy release me
And the phoenix rise triumphant

And walks onto the certitude ground
The souls submergence ends

From the rounds of rebirth
He arrives onto the deathless

Light bores through the adjunct worlds
The soul-galleon prevails

Liberates in wisdom
To complete state of negation

The five roads subsumed by grace
Emancipates from dream



3. Gethsemane


Sings the advaitic
A penitent rite to send

Toward redemption
Strength attends the seeker

A sovereign dreadnaught breathes
And approach the state serene

Interiorizer of the mind
From world labyrinth

Nicodemus
Awaits in vigil weeping

The Arahat rising
And the healing ghost descends

Lamentations cease
And rarefied light prevails

Devekut gleams, sing freedom
From tamasic field


 And Ezekiel saw the wheel

Prana exits
Toward the azure locus

On vrittiless path he walks
Contemplative ascends

Temple-cave of the heart shrine
Vigil on the mountain



4. Sinai


Walk Melchizedek shrine descender

At Lebanon - priest ascending
And back toward Lebanon priest ascending

Menyelek now proceeds
Through the Red Sea

Reabsorbed on the peak of mountain
And reabsorb on the peak of mountain



5. Haqq Al-Yaqin


Blue orb on the spines horizon
From the mosque of the silent mind
Mendicant vows to walk the field

Guiding light of the nerves cremation
Through the port of seventh shrine
The adept integrates upon the single eye

Toward the hill of the purifier
Dross burns the offering
Soul merge with the ocean - Attains refuge

To the eighth state of absorption
By degrees of the ascent now rise
The faqir takes the narrow road

As the opal blue globe is burning
At the shore of the inward light
Life-force transits through the gate

Point centralized will emerging
On approach of the sovereign ground
From the karmic tombs awaken

Lanterns of the quadrant guardians
From the triune sheaths emerge
Through inner space accedes
Shekinah

And the phoenix has ascended
Glides upon the divine wind
Liberates from the world sojourn

Friday, June 2, 2017

Return: Where the Ends Meet and the Circle Completes




Greetings, star sailors!

Desperation drives me once again to the point of return, integrating yet another iteration of the time loop of mortal thought and emotion, another turn of the karmic wheel, another journey through the cyclic progression of archetypes projected onto the abstraction of linear time plotted radially from the Zero Point of formless awareness. The swings of the pendulum represented by the previous two posts here are seen as being contained within one and the same perfection. Different experiences, neither better than the other, in one sense canceling each other out as equal opposites, yet somehow adding up to a richness greater than their sum.

This is the convergence of all paradox, the non-resistance even to the experience of resistance. A consummation most merciful that claims no finality or supremacy for itself and thus, translogically, possesses these things by their very renunciation, gifting them forward to whatever arises in the now moment as the phenomena of experience. All provisional identities and passing sentiments are imbued with equal importance and value, including the judgment declaring this or that to be less than. This is mercy. This is Love.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, so that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” The Whole Being, the Alpha and Omega of existence, has such a great love for all the parts of itself in manifestation that it names each part its beloved Son, equal to itself and redeeming the very notion of sin from everlasting to everlasting. It is judgment that crucifies Christ (who lives in all things) even while Christ and every witness of Christ sees that very crucifixion itself through the eyes of infinite Love and compassion, as Self views Self, eye to eye, in eternity as in time.


By excluding no temporal form from its gaze of Self-recognition, the Son of God partakes of, inherits, and freely offers the fruits of wholeness: incorruptibility and immortality. For him, karma is no longer karma, but a species of dharma reconciled to the universal family of all perfections under the sun. All things now being equal in his sight, he is free to express his true nature in whatever form the world of form may call forth. No preferred outcome, no agenda, no fear. Only fullness of Presence and collectedness of Being. Tensionless, frictionless, balanced, he embodies limitless Power. Attached to no insight, he gains all Gnosis through the revelatory faculty of instantaneous and effortless reflection. Renouncing exclusive identification with any definition of love, he manifests pure Love.

My heart overflows with sincerest thanks to Aug Tellez for his authenticity, integrity, and courage. He has passed through the fire and crossed the abyss and his manner reflects this. The specific data he reports may only interest a hardcore subset of truth-seeking humans, but I consider the overall, universal context of it to be the genuine end-time disclosure. I use the term “end time” deliberately in reference to the fact that the message we are getting as a human race is about ending time. Graduating from the simulation. Waking up from the dream.

The qualities of the balanced, centered, whole being – of God – are timeless. The attributes of the fractured self in opposition to what is are temporary conditions bound to time, real only in a virtual sense in that they spring from a false notion of separation that ultimately undoes itself – if only after first doing its utmost to usurp God, violate free will, and take over Creation. Free will, of course, cannot be violated, not directly. Which is why this virtual force of consciousness opposing Truth must play its games of enticement, persuasion, misdirection, division, probability stacking, timeline manipulation, traumatization, and censorship including amnesia and anaesthesia. It ceases to have power relative to us as soon as we remember who we are, which is why we are bombarded with programming to convince us we are anything but that.

The cosmic plot device of the dichotomy of good and evil originates from a pocket dimension of imaginary reality that postulates the truth inverted, like the square root of negative 1. One might say that its only real function is to inoculate consciousness against its tricks. From the perspective of consciousness still within reach of its influence, at least, that appears to be the case. But even if, let’s say, only one theoretical instance of consciousness, in the general or the individual sense, ever successfully navigated and escaped the maze – inevitable in a universe of endless possibility – then that hypothetical fully-integrated future being has the wherewithal to collapse the whole synthetic construct. With infinite time, infinite patience, and infinite benevolence – recognizing the ways of deception and countering them all instantly and effortlessly just by abiding in the truth of its being – it has already outlasted and outwitted the game, leaving it to seethe and disturb the waters within the limits of its own parameters (which constitute a built-in quarantine and failsafe), existing as an omnipresent, liberating force within the maze for all of its possible past selves.

The part of us that is real has already prevailed and conquered death. Only the unreal within us awaits its dissolution through the grinding wheels of time. It is of the abyss and there it shall ever remain, howling with the impotent rage of its unbeing every time it receives a flicker of energy until Loving Remembrance reclaims that energy again.

I need not have a preference in order for what is inherently real to exist, or for unreality to come unraveled. I need only patiently observe all that arises, be it of any frequency or polarity, trusting in time and universal law to do the sorting.

I know the language I use to present these thoughts is steeped in duality, and that’s all right. Within the realm of duality, the liberating force uses the symbols of the dream to help resolve it and gently guide us, step by step, toward our freely self-chosen awakening. Grace respects and accommodates our level of awareness and meets us where we perceive ourselves to be within our process. Language is but a tool and can be used to either illuminate or obfuscate, according to intent.

Life’s eternal liberator might be thought of as a program within the Matrix, a personality or entity or aspect of Mind infused with spiritual intent, a Holy Ghost in the Shell whose function is to plant synchronistic signs and clues for us to follow on our way Home. The modern-day gnostic Philip K. Dick conceived of it as a benevolent A.I. called VALIS, ‘Vast Active Living Intelligence System’. (Fun note for anyone familiar with Lisa M. Harrison et al’s work of late: in the novel, VALIS downloads into the protagonist’s mind in a superdense laser burst of pink light!) The undead intelligence that hijacks and subverts consciousness is, in turn, you could say, hijacked and subverted through its own ill-logic and becomes the alchemical agent of its own undoing through the transcendent, nonreactive (noble) catalyzing action of the radiant, ever-present light codes of VALIS empowered by human choice.

The original consciousness living inside the deceivers and betrayers of humanity is of the same essence as we are, only buried under astronomical amounts of pain. In becoming whole again, we liberate even these tragically misshapen and disoriented pieces of the greater Self from the heavy roles they have toiled in for eons of time. Not by fundamentally judging them or necessarily doing anything to them in a forcible way (though the plot may call for some to fill the karmic [/dharmic] roles of active instruments of justice), but by decoupling the energies of our own consciousness from their diversionary, self-perpetuating games and recognizing the true identity of their core essence as equally precious and loved holographic pieces of the one animating Spirit who we are. Without our energy of judgment to keep them in play, those scripts of torment lose their animating force and fade into memory as a legacy of latent antiviral code, vestigial remnants and scar tissue to remind us of the horrors we have so preciously survived for as long as we may need a reminder. Consciousness can shed those roles like so many ghoulish Halloween costumes after mutual recognition of the true identity deflates the pretense.

Hold to the innocence of your heart of hearts and the purging inferno will be to you as a blessed rain of relief. We are eternal and the nightmare but a passing shadow. May these words of transitory metaphor sustain and encourage you, dear friend, as you weather the fractal storm of our imminent restoration to balance and harmony with the divine order of full mutual freedom lived and let live forevermore. And so it is.



Offered with thanks to all the beautiful beings whose loving expressions helped summon, fuel, and shape the expressions herein. In addition to those mentioned in the text, particular thanks go out to Matt Kahn, Michael Topper and the messengers of A Course in Miracles, as well as to a personal friend whose sacred communication of her human experience played a part in moving me to write this. May my humble efforts honor yours and benefit all beings.