Thursday, April 25, 2019

The crucial role of will (and bonus 4th Commandment self-wizardry!)

The world is the world.
Every creature plays its part.
I have believed I could play mine on my own terms.
Earn a separate merit for myself,
play with fire and burn in secret shame.
For so long I have played this game
Of serving two masters, lived that untenable lie.
And I can still, for like us all
I have the gift of free will
To do precisely as I desire.

Everywhere I look, the demonstration is on display
Of the outworking of universal law.
The results of choices are as they must be,
Good begetting the good and bad bringing forth the bad
On the evolutionary experiential path of the soul.

A small sin leads to another
And ere long they form a chain
That weighs me down and rattles in rebuke.
I am not that chain, yet I carry it
And cannot unmake it.
All I can do is bear the consequences
And, by my will, repent and come again
Before the presence of the holy flame
In recognition of the one true Name
With contrite heart sincere, stripped bare
To give up my error to be consumed.

Is this a game as well? I wonder.
Am I addicted to feeling bad and small?
Perhaps, if I go on repeating the same old pattern.
Affirming conviction in the mind alone
Is not enough to stop the cycle,
For the underworld of unknown psychic forces
Overpowers a vacillating will with trifling ease.
There is a Will beyond that will
Which desires to come into union with it
But depends upon the free will choice of the mortal being
For its method and the duration of the process of drawing it in.

The human will has no relief from responsibility;
It is always free, and that extends of course
To the liberty to make excuses and so prolong indefinitely
Its coming back to sober remembrance of itself and the truth
And the blessed, rigorous path of ascension
Which leads to eternal life and the promise of heaven,
Ever-unfolding majesties of experience,
Ever-increasing virtue and happiness,
Ever-new invigorating challenges to rise to,
All the great gifts of the houses of the family of God.

Honor thy Father and thy Mother,
That it may be well with thee
And thou mayest live long on the earth.

The principles and polarities of creation:
Spirit and matter,
Will and wisdom,
The yang electric and the yin magnetic,
Idea and form.
The spiritual lineages of our cosmic progenitors
Vibrationally encoded within our being.
The supernal Father on high
And the planetary animal Mother that bears us in this and every precious moment.

I have clearly overworked that last bit in an escalating fit of vain pretentiousness, trying, trying so hard while really just compulsively escaping from the potent, immediate reality of the prayerful state that set this stream of words in motion to begin with… and from my body’s constant complaint as to why the fuck I am still up and on the computer at five in the morning when it needs proper, regular sleep to function well – so I have actually been disrespecting both Father and Mother and I find this highly ironic to say the least. Maybe I will learn to write something more useful in a more wholesome way someday. I find myself idly hoping so. One thing’s for sure: not writing is the only certain way to never get closer to achieving that. (grin) Honestly, I enjoy doing this so much that only the amnesia of that enjoyment can explain why I don’t do it way more. Although the possibility occurs to me just now while finalizing the post that I may just be indulging in the narcissistic tendency referred to as masturbation… a valid concern. It also occurs to me that self-pleasuring can be a wholesome activity if used well! And whatever is in error will be corrected in due course, given the sincere desire of the heart toward what is good and right.

Adios and onward, friends! See you next time.

Thursday, December 20, 2018

The last mile

At rest, turning inward
Withdrawing belief from the thought of separation
All dimensions collapse into one dimensionless here-now-being
What is breathed but the stuff of eternity
Channeled through a passing form?

The revelation of our common essence, boundless, intertwined
Forms like dewdrops shimmering under the radiant moon
Precipitating through the matrix of reality
Like milk from the eternal Mother’s breast
To nourish you, her child, on your soul’s journey of growth

The vessel that carries your point of awareness
Is contained within awareness
A part of creation here to host a part of the creator
Awakened, you partake of your totality
And are overtaken by waves of overflowing gratitude and praise for all!

All the treasures of the tendermost Heart of reality
Are yours to discover in these inner realms
That open ceaselessly and multiply their blessingness
As you freely give of the abundance that you are
And close that final gap between receiver and the Source

As human beings, we are here to shine for one another
Every shock and inconvenience in the world
Another chance to let go of the attachment to appearances
And dive within to reunite with our precious pearl of peace
And let things play out as is the wont of their perfection

Your reality reflects your state of being
Your suffering begs you to come back home again
To yourself, the vastness holding time and space
Where singularity extends and fractalizes out
To make this wonder of a Technicolor world

What makes anything true… is you
What you choose to feel… becomes the real
You are the magic, you are the life
So spend the present as you will
And know yourself… or be made to know… the game is rigged. ;)


Today’s lines owe their existence to the excellent and groundbreaking work of Dr Joe Dispenza (particularly this YouTube video), which inspired me in the midst of a very difficult time of intense victim thoughts to stop, quiet down, draw from the well, and bring something through that last mile of personal consciousness interweb connection by actually sitting down and setting hand to keyboard. It’s a start. I’m really grateful to have this chance. I don’t even care if what I wrote is any good. It came from my heart, and the feeling of creative flow was very much its own reward. Not to mention how incredibly good it felt to make live contact with the deeper currents of reality… from which I eagerly anticipate bringing lots more goodies forward!

I hope you have a great day. I love you.

Sunday, October 21, 2018

At long last! Here we are again. I'm so very glad.

Part of me felt obligated to use this time to work on translating Tapani Koivula’s UFO book Kosminen kosketus. Part of me felt reluctant, resistant to starting this, writing my own text. But asking myself what I wanted, the knowledge was deeper than any conscious thought. I want to write.

I feel my soul opening up in this medium of expression. This is what I was born to do. To let it all flow freely, to see my stream of consciousness appear on screen (or on paper). Now, to it: what shall we focus on today?

While walking today, I had the inspiration to just start speaking the truth. No longer suppressing it for the sake of an ego agenda, in the service of the prison warden of my mind, body, and soul. There is no need to try to make anything “fit” or be “right” – it already is, just as it is. The only thing holding us back from experiencing the truth of that is our unreadiness to really let go and surrender, to really trust that the universe will uphold everything without any personal effort on our part.

We can have a dialogue! I can speak with you and speak with myself – my myriad selves – all at once. This resolves the dichotomy I’ve been laboring under for so long: the tension between “should I write for myself or for others?” Nonsense. Just write!

Precisely as my inner teacher told me once when I said I was willing to hear what he had to say to me. He’d suggested I wouldn’t like it – or, rather, my small-me wouldn’t. That was a truly fruitful discussion. I had stood in front of the mirror, calmed my being, brought forth my deeper intelligence, and engaged it in conversation. It said some pleasant, vanilla things to establish its good intentions and build rapport. But to my surprise, when I asked if it had something of substance to share, it seemed thrilled… and informed me it wouldn’t be easy to take in. When I said yes, I wanted to hear what it had to say to me and I understood that I might not take it well, it paused for a pregnant moment… and out of my mouth, unbidden, came a single word: “Right.” There was a heartbeat’s delay as the message made its way through my ears to my brain, was processed and its meaning interpreted, sinking in with a sudden and deepening shock: what my brain took in was not the filler word “right,” spoken prior to delivering the actual message, but the action imperative “WRITE.”
So here I am, finally. Stopped fighting the world and myself as far as this critical point is concerned. It has taken a while for that message to be properly received and its content accepted. It is easy to nod along and seemingly agree to something in principle; it is another thing entirely to actually go ahead and put it into practice.
I owe a particular debt of gratitude to my ex-wife and the often very difficult years I spent together with her for preparing the way for me to step out on this road. If not for the unbearable tangle of unresolved emotions and issues that surfaced today after meeting her and her kids yesterday, I wouldn’t have gone out walking today and had such a powerful, wholehearted intention to 1. just get the truth, and 2. do it in the most loving way. When I got back, a person she and I both know from our time together had sent a message saying I’d lost all those years. I replied saying no, they weren’t lost. Everything that adds to our self-knowledge helps us. At least from the point of view of evolving our consciousness. That, I said, is the most important thing to me.

Perhaps it really is as simple as this. To just listen to what the little voice deep inside is saying. The world and our own hairless ape bodies and brains will always have their say too – but if we follow them and ignore the indwelling presence inside, forsaking the knowing it abides in, we’ll just find ourselves circling back again. I’ve run out of excuses not to do this. And I’m excited as hell to get on with it!

I look forward to meeting you here again. We shall continue these dialogues at the soonest possible juncture. (I cannot possibly think of this as a monologue – there are so many of us here with something to say and everything to hear!) Until we return, adieu and au revoir, my friends. I love you.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Visiting Home

the world is always ending
and always being born anew

simultaneously saturated with meaning
and free of set interpretation

feel the overwhelming intensity of fullness
and rest in the vast, primordial emptiness

be at one with the waves and the ocean floor
let the scent of eternity reveal this moment’s priceless reality

complete unto itself, yet layered, interwoven,
interpenetrating every moment in the fabric of totality

the warming suchness of a fire crackling in the stove
the electric pinpoint radiance of little incandescent lights
the dark, cool breath of the spacious outside air
and the deep, bracing chill of the river gurgling past

a moment to sit and let feelings precipitate into words
a moment to appreciate this gift of life
without expectation or encumbrance
a moment to settle into the symphony of the senses
and wonder at this grand mystery of ultimate simplicity
on a quiet Wednesday morning in my parents’ homely house
on the threshold of ancient Lapland
just before the season’s longest night
and the Sun’s most dearly welcome journey back
towards the magical promise of Midsummer

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Feel what longs to be felt . . .

Our depression and discontent
that we so desperately try to escape
through diversions of every kind
are speaking to us, carrying a message from our past.

They are the only clue we have
to the trauma embedded so far beneath
the preoccupations of our day-to-day awareness
that it sends back only its outermost layers of coping
to spike through into our lives.

Unconscious, we suffer and barely know it.

Eventually, the sense of wrongness grows too strong to ignore
and we are compelled to a more purposeful search
for its source and reason,
for why it persists,
and for its potential cure.

Others have trod this path before me
and shared what they have found.

They tell tales too similar for coincidence,
all seeming to fit together somehow.

Even those whose probing seems
to have left deeper, more personal and painful depths unplumbed
tell of things that fit into an overarching image of the whole
as detail, context… and mythic parable.

In my moments of deepest clarity, I find
that I cannot but perceive
that all is myth, all is parable,
and creation exists to mirror our endless quest
to know what it is we are
and what it is we are not.

Harrowing tales have been told,
tragedies most profound,
of loss too great to comprehend,
of injustice and calamity and abuse,
complicity and self-betrayal, lies upon lies
an interminable hell of stagnation
inside a mirrored hypercube of digitally-coded light
that simulates the real but can never deliver it.

We know we are meant to live free,
to enjoy co-existence and expansion
through creative immersion and challenge
and cross-pollination and co-operation
and unexpected novel forms
in an innocent and mutually honoring play of exploration,
yet here we are, conditioned beyond all recognition,
transformed into impotent marionettes
whose free will and awareness remain alive enough
to sustain the beast,
yet caged and diminished so as not to escape its control.

We are more than these dream characters in a holographic play.

We may be anchored to these forms while they live and breathe,
but we are not limited to the narrow band of possibility
afforded by their crudest capabilities,
the ones our culture tells us are the ones that matter.

What happened to our capacity to feel,
to empathize with our fellow beings,
to be fully present in the richness and vitality
of the holy communion of the now?

These things have been hidden and stolen away from us
by stealth and coercion and distraction,
numbed out of us through trauma
and post-traumatic stress survival mode.

Feel more, stress less.

Breathe, stretch, relax, let tension melt away.

Allow all feelings to wash over you as they will.

Forgive every less-than-loving thought;
they are only thoughts in a quantum sea of all possible thoughts,
attracted into awareness by the magnetism of past conditioning,
and communicate nothing of the true quality of who we are.

strive for growth,
let go of pretense.

Abide in the unshakable knowing-sense – gnosis – of your innermost being.

You are eternal.

You are boundless.

You are all-powerful.

You are infinitely caring and loving and kind.

Your alignment is impeccable and immovable.

Your wisdom sees through everything.

Your experience is a sampling of all this
through the instrument of a discrete being in time and space
voluntarily open to distortion and limitation.

All these qualities are your birthright.

Discern through feeling
what is and what is not of your divine nature.

Align your will to embody what resonates as true.

This is your gift and service to the whole.

Thank you.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Welcome to another wee-hour stream of WTF-is-this -ness...

Feeling into my orientation, I sense an attraction to letting the gravity well take me, suck me down into the black hole of… non-existence?

The negative form of surrender… capitulation to the Thanatos?

And yet both Eros and Thanatos exist in me, I also feel the desire to live and express…

There is a sense that Thanatos will have me in the end anyway and therefore it’s pointless to strive for anything in this world…

And yet the little Alan Watts -inspired voice is saying, Yes, of course it’s all pointless, of course your life in this form will end soon… but why define meaning based on that? That’s the real tragedy, to miss the opportunity to make something wonderful out of life, to use what we’ve been given to create something really worthwhile in the moment, with the knowledge of its impermanence only heightening its preciousness, spurring us on to realize ever greater richness of experience, of depth of meaning…

There always comes a point, a limit in these mental speculations, where it feels incredibly stupid to keep obsessing over thoughts of how it is or how it should be, to keep these wheels spinning, creating nothing of real value… like the fiat currency conjured out of thin air whose value is completely fictional, abstract, but for the fact that it’s used in the real world to make actual things happen… a kind of magic, if you will, based on belief, investment of power in symbols…

I will never be happy unless I am engaged with the ecosystem of life, giving who I am as an individual to the social body of humanity in a positive way… serving something larger than myself. That is ultimately what provides purpose and meaning to this existence. We are here for each other.

Each loving interaction with another being – or with some part of myself – affirms the value of life, of our being, infuses us with an energy that comes from the very wellspring of who we are, the Yes to the great question always before us… feeds our souls the manna they need to stay healthy and grow. Without love, we wither and diminish, sliding endlessly towards death, the great spiritual death where the juice is sucked out and all joy is forgotten…

Chutes and ladders. This gravity of Thanatos is the great sacrifice of our transcendent Self, to offer the counter-option against which Life is defined. There is ultimately no harm done by choosing the dark side – and what horrors the divine Being goes through when it does! These horrors we all face on some level, being all of us touched by that force. Even the wisest and most integrated beings know Hell, in fact they know it the most intimately of all. And yet what makes them so wise and whole and balanced is their deep-rootedness in both the Beyond and in the matrix of existence… They are so finely and completely connected on every level, only harmony can exist within their sphere… to the point where they go beyond harmony per se, integrating even all disharmonies into a greater unity, allowing the dark to perform its role and function, as it commands the right to do as empowered by the choices of sovereign beings…

I think it not arrogance or folly to consider each of us a child of God, equal with God – and not equal in the obviously fallacious sense, but equal in terms of having just as much right to choose and just as much right to be recognized as being one with the I Am. On the contrary, it is the only sane and sensible way to perceive this multiplicity of beings – not accounting for the right of every being to disagree if they so choose and to experience that belief as their reality, even to deem that view the pinnacle of sanity and sensibility in their eyes.

I find there is a constant in all of this exploration: the consistent need to go beyond what has gone before. There is no arrival, only forward motion. And that is a beautiful thing, as much as it can be terrible. We know not what tomorrow brings, only that it will come.

The Course in Miracles -pseudoeducated spiritual ego voice is smugly scoffing a little at the idea of a tomorrow, earning a disgusted look from the practical ego. Now, now, children. We all need to learn to work together.

It evidently pleases me to feel broken and manifest a broken puppet as my avatar. It’s so nice out here in Victimland, I got all this company even! See, we can all complain and commiserate together and blame the world for our problems. Or just shit on ourselves and drown in self-hate. Yummy! It’s a pity party! So much easier than shouldering any responsibility.

Mirthless cackling. Responsibility, you dirty old devil. Sitting there, waiting for me to get with the program. Well, I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Imma stay right here, bro. Just to piss you off. Yeah, I’m spiteful. I’m a victim!

Gag. Holy shit, what a hellish scene. Are we gonna keep watching this flick? Seriously, dude. It’s getting fucking old, and I’m not getting any younger, you know what I mean?

I got an idea. Let’s just sit here and let everything be. Fuggedaboudit. Just let it be. Settle into this space right here. Breathe. Let it all come in, let it all go out. Mmmmmmm. This is where it’s at! Everything’s right here! Wow, let’s chill here for a bit…

Monday, September 4, 2017

Manifesting Your Dream Life from Oneness by Bentinho Massaro

(Talk starts at 7:10)

I find Bentinho's teachings so deep and clear and powerful that I can't not share this video. This is next-level stuff.

Let me address potential objections or criticisms by saying, Yes, of course he may rub you the wrong way and seem like just another goddamn guru. If that's the case, then I applaud your commitment to that perspective and have no desire to try to change it. As always, take what resonates and disregard the rest. Enjoy! And if the material does resonate, then there's plenty more where this came from. :-)