Friday, March 10, 2017

Epica – In All Conscience

Today I want to share a song that has touched me deeply. Its emotional resonance for myself comes from my experience breaking up with my wife. Some of the lyrics don’t necessarily relate to that, but many of these words have impacted me powerfully.

Can you imagine feeling and knowing a love so full and perfect and timeless and pure – the stuff of heaven – expressed directly from the heart of a person with whom youve shared intense years of trial and tribulation, to whom youve wanted to commit your all, someone who actually needs a good, strong, wise person by their side to defend and help them. . . only once youve become aware that your marriage with them has been built on sand, is hopelessly dysfunctional, and is keeping you from your own true path?

The freeing revelation has been that that love is not just with that one person: it is behind, inside, and around everything. It is the stuff of life itself! It doesnt bind you to that particular person or to any set path. And it doesnt make the pain and sorrow go away. It allows you to embrace the pain, to embrace yourself within the experience of the pain, just being there, present, for as long as the pain wants to express. It allows clear sight, forgiveness, acceptance, letting go.

I am learning to listen to myself – to feel what my body is telling me – and to be honest. I want all of my relationships to be balanced and free. I want to go through life with a light touch, no twists, no baggage, no holding back. I want to give myself permission to feel every twinge and torrent of sorrow, regret, injustice, unfairness, outrage, and anguish. I want to feel connected to life. I want peace.

(For every statement beginning withI want,” take away the “I” – thats ego – and “wantthats desire – and you’re left with the thing itself. Yay Zen aphorisms!)

(Embedding is disabled on these videos, so I’ve hotlinked them for you below.)

Enjoy!






The Quantum Enigma – Bonus Track



Allow me to write my final words
I can’t stand this anymore
Hold me when the time has come
’Cause I don’t want to be alone

In my heart you’re still here, it’s the bond that we share
I can feel you’re around everywhere
Even though you are gone our spirit is strong
We’re honoring all the work that you’ve done

When there’s no chance for a defense
I’ll have to bend and give it all
(Each angle will give a new view)
All that I’ve been standing for
Was an illusion after all
(As both sides should always be heard)

In my heart you’re still here, it’s the bond that we share
I can feel you’re around everywhere
Even though you are gone our spirit is strong
We're honoring all the work that you’ve done

I’ll see you somewhere again
Away from all the insanity
We can’t beat injustice now and for all
I’ll see you somewhere again
Away from humanity
We can’t beat unfairness now all alone

Even though you are gone our spirit is strong
I felt you all around alone
In my heart you’re still here, it’s the wound that we share
I can feel you’re around everywhere
Even though you are gone our spirit is strong
We’re honoring all the work that you’ve done

I’ll see you somewhere again
Away from all the insanity
We can’t beat injustice now and for all
I’ll see you somewhere again
Away from humanity
We can’t beat unfairness now all alone.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Self-Correction: Return to the Breath of Life

I am very reluctant to share my weaker, more vulnerable moments even with people who are close to me. I have times when I withdraw completely into my shell. I have been in that state now for four days: not leaving the house, not talking to anyone, just keeping myself occupied with mass Internet / movie / TV intake and drifting on a sea of inner turbulence while doing little or nothing to steady it, find my anchor, get back on the horse. Powerful thoughts and emotions arise, but am I channelling them in a healthy way? I've been running from myself in a manner all too familiar from decades of mental and emotional fragmentation. I get the high highs and the low lows. Been psychiatrically assessed as borderline bipolar, just shy of a clinical diagnosis.

I need to find a way to self-correct these wild swings. Something deep inside me has yet to stand up and invite the warring inner factions to a round table where all can be heard and accepted. Trying to rule one's self as a dictatorship leads to disaster. It's just one persona after another setting the agenda while the others wait for their chance or plot their coup.

I fear both success and failure. I fear both life and death. Sitting in this black hole of fear and self-inflicted misery seems easier than manning up. Is there a way out? I intuit that the only solution lies at the center. Inward. Where everything meets and relative truths implode into the singularity of consciousness.

The world is in crisis. We who feel that crisis on a personal level are responsible for our part in resolving it. But to attempt to resolve it without first resolving our root conflict is a circular path. The linear notion is that this is something we will do once and everything will be peachy from then on out. No. The quantum understanding says that there is no incremental path to peace, no future time point of resolution to hope, wait, and prepare for. The only peace is the one we already have within, timelessly waiting for our wandering attention to stop seeking it out as if it were beyond us, as if we lacked it, to just settle in and make contact.

This is it. This is all there is. Just the now moment and the eternal choice to accept or reject. To abide in peace or perpetuate war. To let the current of life carry us or seek in some way to control it.

Stop.

Breathe.

We are Breath. Rising, falling. Expanding, contracting. Ever new. Ever present. No agenda. Just in and out. Rhythm. Pulse. Zero point extending in time and space in a dynamic designed for one thing: the exploration of experience. To have our experience rooted in the knowledge of what lies beyond experience, we are called to go ever deeper into peace, into breath, into Being.

Into Life.

Thank you for breathing with me. We are separate in form and experience, but one in the great Breath of Life.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Going Home

This text was born of my response to a thread on facebook. I owe the inspiration for it to many dear souls, but mainly to Irina, whose words are a spiritual depth charge of mystic, numinous insight.

When I connect with my deeper self, I know only a Love that surpasses all understanding. This tells me that evil is not an absolute reality, but arises within relativity. I would characterize it as the result of progressive layers of distortion overlaid on the mind’s codec (coding/decoding software), affecting its perception of base reality-as-it-is to the point where identity becomes a false construct and authentic connection is lost. The notion of an isolated “I” within a fundamentally uncaring or hostile universe supersedes the base reality, creating the need for an arsenal of defense mechanisms and control schemes. By degrees, the sublime music of the spheres is twisted into a cacophony of chaos and confusion. Meaning is hidden from view, vitality withers, divine evolution gives way to spiritual diminishment and degradation. The virus of narcissism and fear insinuates itself into the structure of our being on every level. Every choice in favor of truth, forgiveness, liberation, and growth (for oneself or another) is a choice to reclaim a truer experience of our divine self and repudiate the programming of the virus.

I see the regions of the multiverse infected by the virus as dark, dense, chaotic disruptions/interruptions within an otherwise clear sea of white light. This visual-tactile-auditory-gustatory impression was a familiar one to me in childhood fever dreams. There was a nasty roughness to these dark regions that contrasted with the silky, frictionless, infinitely permeable liquid smoothness of the white light. The vibrations were intense and low compared with the sublime peace of vibes that were so high in frequency as to disappear entirely.

We are developing spiritual antibodies every time we recognize and “flag” a viral distortion within our perception without identifying with it or attaching to it with guilt or loathing. Blessing and releasing it severs the energetic cord binding us to it. Even the virus – though it lacks a life of its own independent of the host consciousness and has no free will the way conscious beings do – is an equal in a world of equals. It behaves according to its nature and all we can do about it is choose not to partake of that nature.

My concept of Christ is influenced by Philip K. Dick’s VALIS trilogy. I see Christ as unbounded consciousness that has walked the path we are on and possesses full immunity to the dark that is only a passing shadow, a momentary nightmare within the grand, exquisite dream of God. Since our nature as Christ exists beyond our limiting construct of linear time, it has access to and is theoretically accessible from any point within time. Perhaps certain time frames within cosmic time – such as the astronomical alignment we are in now – facilitate access both ways. This is an in-built “weakness” in the viral construct, an “escape hatch” for beleaguered souls yearning for Home. But since Balance is a universal law, there must then also be an equal opportunity for the dark to make its own harvest of souls, claiming those that have become so karmically heavy and committed to evil, so steeped in the worldview of narcissism and fear-based hierarchy – so possessed by the virus – that they “pop” through the membrane separating this battleground Middle-Earth from the negative 4D realm.

The realms of Light are far greater and vaster and more varied than those ruled by the morbid themes of shadow. The realms of Light allow free rein for all creator beings to bring forth whatever they desire, solo or in tandem or in groups. Respect for free will is unbreachable. Trust is absolute. Learning and exploration and fun and beauty are pursued. Evolution happens with elegance and grace. The existence of an inimical alternative, of the possibility of evil, lends these realms a preciousness and poignancy that enhance the experience. We don’t fully appreciate something until we’ve missed it.

We’ve been here a long time. The amnesia is so thick, there’s no telling how long, how many lifetimes we’ve wandered here in this twilight zone. But we have a chance now to return to our precious Home. To take steps toward the Light. To heal all sin and shame. To embrace and be embraced in the arms of Love.

Our hearts have been calling out to Home, to the brothers and sisters and loved ones we left behind, and Home is calling us just as dearly and longingly. May we of this battle-weary diaspora of hardy souls now forge new alliances, combine forces, pool our talents, and work together to close the final gap and pierce this nightmare veil, blazing a shining path for millions upon millions to follow if they choose. We call them with love to follow us in orienting ourselves with the True North Star. We will help and guide and inspire them in turn as we have been helped and guided and inspired ourselves. May the lost return and may God protect every one of us until we reach the destination.


Take heart, dear brother and sister. We remember you. We are always with you. You are God’s own child and we love you just as you are. Peace eternal be with you. OM!